Post by Lorpius Prime on Apr 21, 2012 18:56:44 GMT -5
Colleen felt like someone had stabbed roughly a hundred screwdrivers into her back, neck, and the base of her skull. The screwdrivers were slowly spinning, each one grating against a different nerve in an excruciating symphony from which Colleen could not escape.
It was altogether a vast improvement over the earlier pain. Now, she could at least think amid the agony and her own tears.
That odd feeling of regret washed over her again. It was not quite like feeling the emotion herself, but was more akin to the emotion of trying to sympathize with someone else that she believed was experiencing true regret. Which was somewhat appropriate, Colleen supposed, as it was the Enharg feeling regret, and not herself.
She shook her head. That was another odd feeling, as the furry, mossy growth stretched and scraped against her skin. But at least it did not produce any real physical pain on top of what she already felt.
"Your Enharg insists that I communicate its apology for your distress. Again," the Tadpole beside Colleen's table said. She may have only imagined the sigh in its voice.
The Tadpole's name was Endena, and she had been staying with Colleen for the past couple of hours, since the Tadpole's discovered the truth about the Lieutenant's condition. As best Colleen could understand, Endena was a social worker, or the rough equivalent within Tadpole society. She was one of the refugees aboard the Discovery, and had been more than happy to accept this unusual assignment.
Colleen's Enharg certainly appreciated the company. Having another, mature Tadpole around seemed to calm it immensely. Apparently most of Colleen's earlier pain had been caused by the creature's confusion and terror.
Its species lived in symbiosis with the animals which made up the Tadpoles' primary bodies, the Maklig. The Enharg could communicate with each other using complex pheromones, or with their Makligs via direct connections to the host's nervous system.
Unfortunately, the Human nervous system, while operating on similar principles to the Tadpoles', was not identical. Colleen's Enharg had not instinctively understood her feelings and impulses, and had not had any others of its kind nearby to explain its unique situation. It had been like a crying infant without a mother to comfort it. Only this particular infant's cries had come in the form of overwhelming stimuli to Colleen's spinal nerves and brainstem, giving her seizures.
It understood what was happening now. And it was slowly learning to communicate with Colleen, using Endena as an intermediary to explain feelings and simple thoughts. The Enharg was clearly remarkably intelligent, despite having achieved consciousness only a few days ago. It was learning to understand Colleen much more quickly than she was figuring out the reverse.
Still, it was a remarkable sensation. Colleen felt rather like a psychic from a science-fiction movie. Though her newfound telepathy only worked with the one other mind, and so far could only express extremely limited ideas and emotions. The potential of it all, however, was quite exciting.
If only it didn't hurt so freaking much. Colleen's mood quickly soured again, as it had been doing every few minutes since her revelation. The seizures had stopped and she could think straight again. But it still felt like someone was testing various instruments of torture on her neck and spine.
She shook her head a second time to force those thoughts away. The rubbed her forehead with one palm.
"Yeah, I understood," she said. "Thanks."
Endena's body language shifted. It wasn't really a smile—not a Human smile—but it felt the same way to Colleen. That was another thing the Enharg was doing for her. Before, the Tadpoles had seemed unexpressive monoliths. Now, Colleen thought she could read Endena's emotions almost as easily as she could off a Human face.
"I am pleased," the Tadpole said. "You are becoming whole."
The Enharg sent Colleen a wave of happiness. Colleen tried to mimic the feeling and send it back, but she couldn't really muster up the genuine feeling. Fascinated as she was by the whole experience, the last few days had left her supremely exhausted.
The door to the makeshift operating room opened, and the Earth Fleet guards let another Tadpole pass through. This one was male, an assistant to Ambassador Rokden. Gorthdel, that was his name. Colleen was pretty sure that she remembered that herself rather than reading it from the Enharg. Pretty sure.
Endena said something to the other Tadpole in her own language. Colleen still hadn't learned to understand much of it, but from her posture and inflection she thought it was a question.
Gorthdel grunted some kind of affirmation, then turned his head to address Colleen.
"I believe they have arrived at some decision," he said. His voice was less gravelly, but only slightly higher-pitched than Rokden's. "They should be here in a moment."
He took up a position next to Endena. Colleen thought he looked worried, but was still trying to think of a polite way to inquire further when the door opened again. Commodore Lee entered, followed by an Earth Fleet doctor, the Tadpole doctor Onadunwe, Ambassador Rokden, Onadunwe's mate Vurk, and two Earth Fleet petty officers in nurse's garb. Collen caught a glimpse of Ambassador Molinas through the door, but the stocky civilian hesitated at the threshold, and ultimately allowed the door to close without entering.
Colleen had now worked with Commodore Lee long enough to be able to read some of the older woman's subdued expressions. The Commodore was not smiling, but there was an easiness about her eyes and cheeks that made Colleen conclude she was pleased, perhaps even a little relieved.
It was an odd contrast to the Tadpoles, particularly Dr. Onadunwe who looked downright furious.
"We have a solution, Lieutenant," Lee said as she walked up to Colleen's bed and placed a hand on her upper arm. Then she did show an actual smile, "We should have this thing off you in just a few hours."
Colleen blinked, "What?"
Onadunwe started to hiss something, but Rokden spoke over her. "Doctor Onadunwe will euthanize the Enharg," he said. "It will not take long."
The Tadpole doctor turned towards the cases of supplies they had brought into the room earlier. Colleen followed the movement as she tried to process what she had just been told.
Finally, the meaning started to penetrate through her exhaustion.
"You… you're going to kill it?"
All the Tadpoles in the room flinched, some more noticeably than others. Onadunwe actually froze for a few seconds before resuming her search for tools.
Commodore Lee nodded, "It appears there's no way to simply remove it that's both safe for you and wouldn't kill the creature anyway. The Tadpoles have some compounds that will kill it, and then you just need some minor surgery to remove the bulk of the tissue."
The Commodore looked at the Earth Fleet doctor for confirmation, and he nodded his head in agreement as well. "You may need some follow-up operations depending on exactly how some of the trickier pieces are wrapped and if your body can metabolize or clear them on its own. But from our understanding, once the, uh, Enharg is dead, the extraction should not be as difficult or risky."
"Wait, wait," Colleen said. She put a hand to her temple and shook her head slightly, trying to sort out her thoughts. Unfortunately the motion also amplified the pain in her back and neck, and she winced.
"You can't just kill it," she said through gritted teeth. "That's…" she trailed off without finding the exact word to describe what that was.
Lee raised an eyebrow, "This thing has left you incapacitated for several days, Lieutenant, and I suspect has been affecting your health for some time even before that. This is the only treatment."
"But it's alive," Colleen protested. "I—I can talk to it."
The Tadpoles all seemed tense, but also somewhat resigned. Commodore Lee shook her head, "None of us is happy about this, Lieutenant. But this is the only treatment. Sentient or not, you're not going to be sacrificed for an alien infection. Earth won't allow it, and neither will I."
"No," Colleen pulled back a little and held up her hands. The Commodore took half a step backwards in surprise. "You don’t under—" Colleen took a deep breath, then a second one as she arranged the appropriate words. "I don't want you to do this."
"Since the Tadpoles got here, the Enharg has calmed down tremendously. I'm not in pain like I was," this was true, the pain was now merely excruciating, not all-consuming, "and I can separate out its thoughts. I'm getting better already, without drastic measures."
Lee raised an eyebrow, "Lieutenant, given what you've been experiencing and the way the infection has affected your mind, I'm not sure your judgment is uncompromised. I'm afraid I can't—"
"But it isn't!" Colleen snapped. Then she blanched a little when she realized who she was conversing with. "I'm sorry, sir. But right now it's stress and exhaustion that are affecting my mental state, not the Enharg. I need rest and maybe some ibuprofen. I don't want to destroy this opportunity, especially not right after discovering it."
"Opportunity, Lieutenant?" The Commodore's face was hardening into a look Colleen had seen her deploy on quite a few subordinates she was getting ready to scold.
"Yes, Commodore!" Even so, Colleen couldn't keep her face from lighting up. "You can't imagine what having this is like. It's highly intelligent, and I can communicate just by thinking. I mean, it's been how many hours, and I've already got so much insight into the Tadpoles' language and expressions. In just a few days we might be able to—"
Colleen froze. Her mouth hung open and her eyes widened and lost focus.
"Lieutenant?" Commodore Lee and the doctor both approached, looking worried.
"Oh crap," Colleen said, still looking out into the distance.
She blinked a few times and waved off the two officers. Then she made a sweeping gesture with thumb and forefinger towards all of the Tadpoles in the little room.
"Commodore," she said nervously, "they all need to leave the room right now!"
Lee's eyebrows furrowed perplexedly, but the expression lasted only a second before practiced military reactions took over. Swiftly, yet calmly, she turned towards the alien leader.
"Ambassador Rokden, would you and your people please give us the room alone for a while?"
Rokden did not hide his surprise nearly so well as the Commodore—at least not from Colleen. Still, he gave a very human shrug, and said, "Of course, Commodore." Then he gestured for the other Tadpoles to follow him.
Lee turned to the door guard, "Petty Officer, please ask Ambassador Molinas to wait with everyone outside in the hallway, and then secure the door until I give word."
The guard saluted and went to follow orders. The Tadpoles then all filed out of the operating room, through the outer room and back into the hallway of the great ship, leaving Colleen alone with Commodore Lee, the doctor, and nurses.
The Commodore turned back around to look a question at her adjutant.
"I'm sorry, Commodore," Colleen said, still a little breathless from the shock of her realization. "But I can't be allowed near any Tadpoles."
She pointed to Enharg swelling out of her neck and shoulders, it rippled a little in dismay.
"This thing is effectively psychic with its own kind. And it reads my thoughts. I am a huge security risk."
It was altogether a vast improvement over the earlier pain. Now, she could at least think amid the agony and her own tears.
That odd feeling of regret washed over her again. It was not quite like feeling the emotion herself, but was more akin to the emotion of trying to sympathize with someone else that she believed was experiencing true regret. Which was somewhat appropriate, Colleen supposed, as it was the Enharg feeling regret, and not herself.
She shook her head. That was another odd feeling, as the furry, mossy growth stretched and scraped against her skin. But at least it did not produce any real physical pain on top of what she already felt.
"Your Enharg insists that I communicate its apology for your distress. Again," the Tadpole beside Colleen's table said. She may have only imagined the sigh in its voice.
The Tadpole's name was Endena, and she had been staying with Colleen for the past couple of hours, since the Tadpole's discovered the truth about the Lieutenant's condition. As best Colleen could understand, Endena was a social worker, or the rough equivalent within Tadpole society. She was one of the refugees aboard the Discovery, and had been more than happy to accept this unusual assignment.
Colleen's Enharg certainly appreciated the company. Having another, mature Tadpole around seemed to calm it immensely. Apparently most of Colleen's earlier pain had been caused by the creature's confusion and terror.
Its species lived in symbiosis with the animals which made up the Tadpoles' primary bodies, the Maklig. The Enharg could communicate with each other using complex pheromones, or with their Makligs via direct connections to the host's nervous system.
Unfortunately, the Human nervous system, while operating on similar principles to the Tadpoles', was not identical. Colleen's Enharg had not instinctively understood her feelings and impulses, and had not had any others of its kind nearby to explain its unique situation. It had been like a crying infant without a mother to comfort it. Only this particular infant's cries had come in the form of overwhelming stimuli to Colleen's spinal nerves and brainstem, giving her seizures.
It understood what was happening now. And it was slowly learning to communicate with Colleen, using Endena as an intermediary to explain feelings and simple thoughts. The Enharg was clearly remarkably intelligent, despite having achieved consciousness only a few days ago. It was learning to understand Colleen much more quickly than she was figuring out the reverse.
Still, it was a remarkable sensation. Colleen felt rather like a psychic from a science-fiction movie. Though her newfound telepathy only worked with the one other mind, and so far could only express extremely limited ideas and emotions. The potential of it all, however, was quite exciting.
If only it didn't hurt so freaking much. Colleen's mood quickly soured again, as it had been doing every few minutes since her revelation. The seizures had stopped and she could think straight again. But it still felt like someone was testing various instruments of torture on her neck and spine.
She shook her head a second time to force those thoughts away. The rubbed her forehead with one palm.
"Yeah, I understood," she said. "Thanks."
Endena's body language shifted. It wasn't really a smile—not a Human smile—but it felt the same way to Colleen. That was another thing the Enharg was doing for her. Before, the Tadpoles had seemed unexpressive monoliths. Now, Colleen thought she could read Endena's emotions almost as easily as she could off a Human face.
"I am pleased," the Tadpole said. "You are becoming whole."
The Enharg sent Colleen a wave of happiness. Colleen tried to mimic the feeling and send it back, but she couldn't really muster up the genuine feeling. Fascinated as she was by the whole experience, the last few days had left her supremely exhausted.
The door to the makeshift operating room opened, and the Earth Fleet guards let another Tadpole pass through. This one was male, an assistant to Ambassador Rokden. Gorthdel, that was his name. Colleen was pretty sure that she remembered that herself rather than reading it from the Enharg. Pretty sure.
Endena said something to the other Tadpole in her own language. Colleen still hadn't learned to understand much of it, but from her posture and inflection she thought it was a question.
Gorthdel grunted some kind of affirmation, then turned his head to address Colleen.
"I believe they have arrived at some decision," he said. His voice was less gravelly, but only slightly higher-pitched than Rokden's. "They should be here in a moment."
He took up a position next to Endena. Colleen thought he looked worried, but was still trying to think of a polite way to inquire further when the door opened again. Commodore Lee entered, followed by an Earth Fleet doctor, the Tadpole doctor Onadunwe, Ambassador Rokden, Onadunwe's mate Vurk, and two Earth Fleet petty officers in nurse's garb. Collen caught a glimpse of Ambassador Molinas through the door, but the stocky civilian hesitated at the threshold, and ultimately allowed the door to close without entering.
Colleen had now worked with Commodore Lee long enough to be able to read some of the older woman's subdued expressions. The Commodore was not smiling, but there was an easiness about her eyes and cheeks that made Colleen conclude she was pleased, perhaps even a little relieved.
It was an odd contrast to the Tadpoles, particularly Dr. Onadunwe who looked downright furious.
"We have a solution, Lieutenant," Lee said as she walked up to Colleen's bed and placed a hand on her upper arm. Then she did show an actual smile, "We should have this thing off you in just a few hours."
Colleen blinked, "What?"
Onadunwe started to hiss something, but Rokden spoke over her. "Doctor Onadunwe will euthanize the Enharg," he said. "It will not take long."
The Tadpole doctor turned towards the cases of supplies they had brought into the room earlier. Colleen followed the movement as she tried to process what she had just been told.
Finally, the meaning started to penetrate through her exhaustion.
"You… you're going to kill it?"
All the Tadpoles in the room flinched, some more noticeably than others. Onadunwe actually froze for a few seconds before resuming her search for tools.
Commodore Lee nodded, "It appears there's no way to simply remove it that's both safe for you and wouldn't kill the creature anyway. The Tadpoles have some compounds that will kill it, and then you just need some minor surgery to remove the bulk of the tissue."
The Commodore looked at the Earth Fleet doctor for confirmation, and he nodded his head in agreement as well. "You may need some follow-up operations depending on exactly how some of the trickier pieces are wrapped and if your body can metabolize or clear them on its own. But from our understanding, once the, uh, Enharg is dead, the extraction should not be as difficult or risky."
"Wait, wait," Colleen said. She put a hand to her temple and shook her head slightly, trying to sort out her thoughts. Unfortunately the motion also amplified the pain in her back and neck, and she winced.
"You can't just kill it," she said through gritted teeth. "That's…" she trailed off without finding the exact word to describe what that was.
Lee raised an eyebrow, "This thing has left you incapacitated for several days, Lieutenant, and I suspect has been affecting your health for some time even before that. This is the only treatment."
"But it's alive," Colleen protested. "I—I can talk to it."
The Tadpoles all seemed tense, but also somewhat resigned. Commodore Lee shook her head, "None of us is happy about this, Lieutenant. But this is the only treatment. Sentient or not, you're not going to be sacrificed for an alien infection. Earth won't allow it, and neither will I."
"No," Colleen pulled back a little and held up her hands. The Commodore took half a step backwards in surprise. "You don’t under—" Colleen took a deep breath, then a second one as she arranged the appropriate words. "I don't want you to do this."
"Since the Tadpoles got here, the Enharg has calmed down tremendously. I'm not in pain like I was," this was true, the pain was now merely excruciating, not all-consuming, "and I can separate out its thoughts. I'm getting better already, without drastic measures."
Lee raised an eyebrow, "Lieutenant, given what you've been experiencing and the way the infection has affected your mind, I'm not sure your judgment is uncompromised. I'm afraid I can't—"
"But it isn't!" Colleen snapped. Then she blanched a little when she realized who she was conversing with. "I'm sorry, sir. But right now it's stress and exhaustion that are affecting my mental state, not the Enharg. I need rest and maybe some ibuprofen. I don't want to destroy this opportunity, especially not right after discovering it."
"Opportunity, Lieutenant?" The Commodore's face was hardening into a look Colleen had seen her deploy on quite a few subordinates she was getting ready to scold.
"Yes, Commodore!" Even so, Colleen couldn't keep her face from lighting up. "You can't imagine what having this is like. It's highly intelligent, and I can communicate just by thinking. I mean, it's been how many hours, and I've already got so much insight into the Tadpoles' language and expressions. In just a few days we might be able to—"
Colleen froze. Her mouth hung open and her eyes widened and lost focus.
"Lieutenant?" Commodore Lee and the doctor both approached, looking worried.
"Oh crap," Colleen said, still looking out into the distance.
She blinked a few times and waved off the two officers. Then she made a sweeping gesture with thumb and forefinger towards all of the Tadpoles in the little room.
"Commodore," she said nervously, "they all need to leave the room right now!"
Lee's eyebrows furrowed perplexedly, but the expression lasted only a second before practiced military reactions took over. Swiftly, yet calmly, she turned towards the alien leader.
"Ambassador Rokden, would you and your people please give us the room alone for a while?"
Rokden did not hide his surprise nearly so well as the Commodore—at least not from Colleen. Still, he gave a very human shrug, and said, "Of course, Commodore." Then he gestured for the other Tadpoles to follow him.
Lee turned to the door guard, "Petty Officer, please ask Ambassador Molinas to wait with everyone outside in the hallway, and then secure the door until I give word."
The guard saluted and went to follow orders. The Tadpoles then all filed out of the operating room, through the outer room and back into the hallway of the great ship, leaving Colleen alone with Commodore Lee, the doctor, and nurses.
The Commodore turned back around to look a question at her adjutant.
"I'm sorry, Commodore," Colleen said, still a little breathless from the shock of her realization. "But I can't be allowed near any Tadpoles."
She pointed to Enharg swelling out of her neck and shoulders, it rippled a little in dismay.
"This thing is effectively psychic with its own kind. And it reads my thoughts. I am a huge security risk."