FI01: Pilot Episode

[Mlle Bienvenu]

Not Really fanfiction, but a fan novelization, the original script was written by CHRIS WEITZ & PAUL WEITZ.

CHAPTER ONE

"Hey Taxi!" A man yelled, waving his arms wildly. Trying desparately to hail a cab to get out of the rain that was drenching the sidwalk of the city street, and him along with it.

Fed up, he plunged his soggy self through the nearest doorway with the vague intention of getting out of the rain. He found himself in a dusty old shop that looked like something out of some film noir movie.

There was a cough from a nearby desk, "You're late." The elderly-looking woman said, nearly buried behind a huge ancient typewriter and the disorganized papers littering her desk.

"Oh, uh, I'm sorry, I'm not late... I-I don't even have an appointment.. I just, um...I just stepped in out of the rain."

A cranky sounding voice came from a back room partitioned off with a curtain of beads, "I'll be with him in a moment."

The women smiled, "He'll be with you in a moment." and went back to smoking her cigarrette.

He was thinking about leaving the shop, when something caught his eye, or rather something caught his ear... he heard singing, like some sort of tribal music, and it was coming from a wall calendar. He took a closer look at the calender, and not only was there singing, but the picture was moving. He watched, mystified as a seaplane flew accross a tropical island backdrop. He swore he could hear it's engines.

The beaded curtain moved and he jumped, tearing his eyes away from it. A short, avuncular man hobbled out, carrying a pot of coffee.


"This- this calendar, it was moving... there were little birds a-and the plane!"

The man with the coffee pot just laughed and smiled, "No kidding?... Coffee?"

The man creeped him out. Especially since he was dressed in a suit that was at least fifty years out of style. With a start he suddenly remembered why he was there, "Er...no thanks, I think it looks like it's clearing up." He hastily retreated to the door where he could clearly see the storm had abated, but just as he opened it, like some sort of switch was thrown, there was a deafening peal of thunder and the rain started up, just as heavy as before. He shut the door again, more out of surprise than anything else.

"Are you kidding!? It's pouring out there! And it's pneumonia season!" The man with the coffee pot said with his thick Queens accent, "Now,you're looking for a vacation. A little...eh...getaway perhaps?"

"As a matter of fact I was planning on a vacation soon, but uh, you know I have my own travel agent,"

"Pardon me, but your regular travel agent knows nothing, he's just trying to gouse you. Whereas I," He swelled importantly and the woman rolled her eyes, "I can give you the kind of trip you've been dreaming about...

"er... I don't think so, 'scuse me." He made his way as fast as he could to the door. Rain or no rain, he was leaving this creepy little man and his creepy little shop.

"Emily Brant."

At hearing that name, he stopped dead, door half open, "Excuse me?" He took a step back towards the strange man in the outdated suit, "H-how do you know that name?"

He just smiled and shut the door, "Amazing, isn't it?" As soon as the door was shut, the rain stopped, the sun came out and the birds started to sing, "So. Tell me something, Mr. Ashby, I hope I'm not prying but are you happily married?"

"W-why would you ask me something like that!?"

He sighed and turned to the woman at the ancient typewriter, "Clia, type up the standard FI form please." He turned once again to him, " Tell me Mr. Ashby, I'm here to help you!"

Meanwhile, the secratary named Clia plunked out his name on the typewriter, "A-S-H-B-" But he was only half listening to the plunk of keys, and the ding of the return carriage. He had something else on his mind.

He sat down in the chair accross from the coffee pot weilding travel agent, "Emily Brant was the most captivating girl I ever met. She had the most wonderful laugh, hearing it was like watching the sun rise-" He jumped suddenly as he heard a form being yanked out of the typewriter. The secretary held out the form impatiently to her boss.

"Uh, how much would it cost me?"

"It all depends."

"Er, on what?" He didn't like the way that sounded.

"On your host, Mr Ashby, on your host." Finally he took the form from Clia, rolled it up and stuck into what looked for all the world like a bank cylinder. He opened up a tube attached to the wall, and there was a great rush of air which sent papers flying everywhere, much to the dismay of Clia. A word popped into Mr. Ashby's head, Pneumatic Tube.

Somewhere, many miles away, the form reached it's destination. A man with white hair was just finishing up shaving, over an old fashioned shaving stand, using a straight razor. He saw the form arrive, but took his time to rinse and dry his face.

Finally he opened the tube, glanced at the form, placed it down on a table and went on to finish his dressing. His closet was full of, rather dated, white suits, he pushed past these and picked out a snazzy black Armani.

Off in the distance, a bell rung, and someone was shouting, "The Plane! The Plane!"

The man smirked to himself, "Here we go again. "

[Mlle Bienvenu]

CHAPTER TWO

"The plane!" (ding!) "The Plane!" (ding!) A man rung a bell from a small belltower near the docks of a tropical island. Possibly the same island from the magical moving calendar.

"Quasimodo!" The man in black Armani shouted from the ground,

(Ding!) "The-" He stopped mid-swing

"Would you mind?" He fixed the bell ringer with a withering stare. He saw not only the bell ringer, who tinged a slight red at being reprimanded, but also a storm brewing overhead. That wouldn't do at all, so he snapped his fingers, and the clouds fled from the sky to reveal an endless tropical blue, "I appreciate the enthusiasm, Cal, but one or two rings will do." He said as Cal ran to catch up with him as he headed towards the docks.

"You got it." He mumbled under his breath, still miffed at being called Quasimodo.

"Where's Har-?"

"Ah, Good morning Sir!" Harry said as he also ran over to catch up with him, "Everything's ready for check-in, I've been out-"

"Good, good, because there's been a slight wrinkle, Fisher sent us a last minute fantasy"

"Oh great, more work." Cal mumbled.

"I'm thinking of putting the new staffmember on it."

"New staffmember?" Harry inquired.

"Yes. Oh, didn't I mention it?"

"What are we, chopped liver?" Cal said in a disgruntled tone. Why does the new guy get to do fantasies when all he gets to do is ring the stupid bell.

The man in Armani stopped and stared at Cal, "Chopped liver..." He drawled, "you know, you looked a bit like chopped liver when I found you." He smirked, "Perhaps you'd like me to send you back..." He turned his ice-blue gaze onto Cal.

Harry and Cal exchanged worried glances, Cal turned pale and shook his head emphatically, "No...no..."

Satisfied by that response, he turned back to look at the balmy blue sky, "Lovely day, isn't it." He didn't wait for Cal and Harry.

"You're pushing it, Cal, you're pushing it!" Harry snapped as he and Cal walked a few feet behind their boss, "You're going to get us both into trouble!"

"Just try and relax, hash, stress'll kill ya."

"Ha. ha. very funny. " As the seaplane landed, they caught up with their boss. "Oh, wonderful suit sir!" Harry fawned.

"Oh. Thank you, Harry. Have those white ones burnt will you? I think they're a little dated.

"Yes sir! Cal, have the white suits burnt!"

"Hey! You know I only take orders from the boss!"

"That wasn't an order! It was a polite request!

"Oh yeah? Well, in that case I've got a polite request for you to kiss-"

"Shh!" The boss fixed them with an 'oh-what-am-i-going-to-do-with-you-two' look as the seaplane door opened, "Smiles everyone. Smiles.

"That's Mathew Ashby, our last second arrival. Mr. Ashby thinks he married the wrong girl."

"Hey, I've been there," Cal muttered.

"Oh spare us the details," Harry rolled his eyes, "And that must be Mr. Barnes."

"Correct, Richard 'freefall' Barnes. Mr. Barnes likes to flirt with death, but death is looking for a more permanant relationship. And that's Jackie Martin, a promising young law student, and that's her sister Regina, an even more promising young law student. Jackie desperately wants to prove that she's smarter than her sister, in fact, she wants to know everything." he said the last word, like it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"And.....will she?" Harry wondered out loud and he just fixed him with a look and walked away to go meet the guests. Harry just looked at Cal and shrugged.

"My guests, welcome to Fantasy Island. I am your host, Mr. Roarke. This is Harry the hotel concierge and Cal the bellhop who will attend to your bags."



"Uh, excuse me, but er.. that was a long flight, is there a....?" Mr Ashby gave Roark a look

"Oh, yes..." Roarke said, catching on, "but it's rather a long walk, the main lobby on the left." He turned to the rest of the tourists as Mr. Ashby limped towards the bathrooms, "Well we're delighted to have you here, our only condition, as you know, is that you must never tell anyone of your experiances here on this island."

"Why's that?" Jackie said, immediately, Of course, it would be her to ask that, Roarke thought sarcastically.

"Well, for one thing," He chuckled, "nobody would believe you. Once again welcome to Fantasy Island." With a flourish of his hand, Roarke turned on his heel and started towards the hotel.

"Heya...hey chief, Wait up!" Barnes fell into step beside Mr. Roarke.

He arched his eyebrows, "I've been called many things in my time, but chief isn't one of them."

"No offence there, big man, I just wanna go over the scenario. The travel agent guaranteed the most extreme experiance ever, let me tell you something, it better be pretty extreme. You know why they call me freefall?"

"No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

"I bungee jumped off the Leaning Tower of Piza. Broke five bones, spent three weeks in an Italian jail, but it was worth it. You name it; I have been there. I have done that. Let me show you some scars that you wouldn't believe, look at this-"

"No, that's not neccesary" Suddenly Roarke stopped and turned to face Mr. Freefall, "...oh by the way, congratulations on your recent wedding."

"Oh, thank you...yeah, I'm a- I'm a lucky guy." He smiled, thinking of his wife.

"Luck has the tendency to run out. Look, are you sure you wouldn't rather get back on that seaplane and rejoin your lady wife?"

"No way! You only live once,"

"That's one theory..." Roarke said sardonically, "oh uh... hold this, would you?"

Roarke handed Barnes a ladder that was hanging in midair. suddenly Barnes realized there was a helecopter attached to that ladder, and the ground was falling away from him. He clung onto the ladder for dear life. "Aaaaaaahhh!" Cal, who was flying the Helecopter, gave Roarke the thumbs up, which he returned.

Roarke continued down the docks toward the hotel. Where Cal passed him, pushing a luggage cart. He shrugged at Mr. Roarke, "There's only so many places I could be at one time."
===
Mr. Ashby sat the seaside bar, twisting his wedding ring nervously around his finger. He almost didn't see the bartender, whom he recognised as Cal, the bellhop.

"Cosmopolitan please?"

"You got it," Cal said, "You waitin' for someone?"

"How could you tell?"

"Eh, I couldn't, it's just one of the four things bartenders are supposed to say; you know, like uh... 'the usual?' 'Rough day?' 'how 'bout those?' and uh, 'waitin' for someone?' So...you waitin' for someone?"

"Yeah, all my life." He stared listlessly down at the polished wood of the bar, and listened to the old eighties song that seemed to float in.

"One tequila Sunrise, comin' atcha," Cal set down the drink.

Ashby looked up. Surprised, not only by the fact that he'd been given the wrong drink, but because he was no longer on the beach. He was at a bar somewhere completely different, and completely in the past. "What?"

"Hey, I heard Gary Como was here tonight," Cal said, trying to make conversation.

"Where the hell am I?" He looked around, non-plussed, a banner on the wall was emblazoned 'Happy New Year 1985' and then he saw her, "Emily." he breathed.

"Matthew!" She said and danced her way over to him, or rather, his 1985-self, "Stewart says we can use his place in Aspen this weekend, let's go!"

"Aww man! I've got too much work to do, I"m sorry Em, I can't make it."

"No, no! Wait, Emily! I can go!" Present day Matthew yelled to her, uselessly, "I can-" But Ashby jumped suddenly, because Mr Roarke had somehow snuck up on him and was standing just by his shoulder. Briefly he thought how funny Roarke's dapper self looked in a 1985 New-Year party hat.

"But you didn't go, did you?"

"No, I was a shmuck."

"Indeed, and you've regretted it ever since." Roarke tossed away the party hat, "You didn't go, and by the end of the weekend-

"-Emily hooked up with stewart. Four months later, they got married. I wasn't even invited, You know, I just always thought if I'd been spontaneous, enough, things would be different."

"They are different." Suddenly Matthew realized he was back on the beach. And lo and behold, there was Emily. Real Emily in a gorgeous bikini.

"Matthew!" Emily spotted him, smiled and waved.

[Mlle Bienvenu]

===

Plunk!

"Tada!" Jackie slammed the Jeopardy board game down onto a table in their hotel suite,

"I object!" Roger said as soon as he saw the loathed board game.

"Overruled." She smirkd and started setting up the pieces.

"You know, we could try having a conversation," Her sister groused, "instead of always playing this stupid game."

"Besides," Roger added, "you always loose."

"Well we might just have an upset, won't we?" She said with a smug look.

"Okay. Jackie," her sister sighed and pulled a random question card from the pack, "'In nineteen sixty two the Beatles hit the top of the pops with this song.'" She gave her sister an incredulous look, daring her to get the question right.

"What is...." Jackie thought hard, "wait, I know this....." She picked her brain and the answer remained just out of her grasp, "....uh...."

"RRRRRrrrr!" Roger made the sound of a timer going off.

"Prosecution rests." Her sister said with finality, and leaving for the waiting beach, "Roger, are you coming or not?"

===
Jackie stormed into Roarke's office, "The Travel agent told me that once I got to this island, I would know everything, Mr Roarke there is such a thing as a verbal contract."

"Miss Martin, are you sure you know what you're asking? Personally, I find it quite ... painful to know everything."

She rolled her eyes, "You promised to help me, so lay it on me, everything."

Roarke shook his head, as if it was against his better judgement, but finally he said quietly, like an overindulgent father, "Alright..."

Jakie waited for Roarke to say more, but he said nothing else, "...So...?"

"It's done, Miss Martin."

"Right, I knew that...I did." And amazingly, she found she really did know that. She turned to him, " Are you sure I know everything?"

Roarke chuckled and sat pensivly for a moment, tapping his mouth with his finger, "Let me see...um.. Penuthe sealte"

Excitedly, Jackie stood up and paced Roarke's office delighted to find she knew what Roarke had just said, "Wait, it's Greek...temple of Apollo at Delphi, big letters....it means... Know Yourself. Am I right?"

Roarke closed his eyes and nodded, "Quite right." He said quietly.

"Yes! I'm going to destroy her!"

At this he smirked, "An admriable goal, Miss Martin, an admirable goal! And," Roarke added fuel to her fire, "as I recall, you wanted everyone to witness it. Have I got a proposition for you..."

===

Somewhere off the coast of Fantasy Island, the helicopter finally stopped, while Mr Barnes still dangled hundreds of feet in the air.

"Mr. Barnes!" Cal yelled over the helicopter engines, "If you need anything give me a call." Cal flipped a switch, and the rope ladder detatched from the helicopter, "See ya!" Cal yelled after him, as the helicopter headed toward the island, and Freefall plunged into the sea.

Mr, Barnes clawed his way to the top, untangling himself from the ladder rungs. Finally, he broke the surface, sucking in the air, He was safe. Or so he thought...

"Oh Crap!" He yelled as a giant tidal wave rushed towards him and swept him back under the sea.

Mr Ashby was having a better time of things,
"God, Emily, you just... you look so incredible." They were sitting at the seaside bar, sipping cocktails.

She smiled warmly at him, "So do you...can you believe we ran into each other here?" She laughed. Her laugh was the kind only one very in love with her could love.

It sounded like music to Ashby's ears, "Your laugh...it's.... it's nothing...i just"

She ignored the ambiguous statement, but glanced down at his wedding ring, "So you're... your divorced too....

"No this?" He fiddled with his ring nervously, "no uh... actually I'm married it's just that me and my wife are ... we're having some troubles, we decided to take separate vacations"

Unphased by this news, Emily smiled mischeviously, "Bad luck for her, good luck for me." Ashby raised an eyebrow at that, but she continued, "You gotta live life Matthew, go with your gut. "

He shook his head, "You and carol are just so different. I mean your so sponta-" As if to prove his point, she went up and kissed him. "wow"

"You're one lucky guy pal." Cal said, as he busied himself about the bar.

"Yeah." But something caught his eye, and the smile faded from his face.

"Matthew, what is it?"

It was his wife.

Ashby lost no time in getting back to the hotel and finding Harry, "I need to see Mr, Roark, right away."

Harry nodded, "Certainly sir."

Roarke sat at his desk, watching Mr, Ashby and Harry. in an impromptu scrying glass made out of a few shots of brandy in a glass.

"Is there a problem sir?"

"Problem!? My wife is here!"

Roarke added an ice cube and the image dissapeared. "What a coincidence." Roarke said to himself with feigned surprise. He contemplated the glass, then took a sip.

[Mlle Bienvenu]

CHAPTER THREE

"Mr Ashby," Roarke began after his guest had calmed down enough to let him get a word in edgewise, "let me put you out of your misery. You see, your wife cannot recognise you," Ashby gave him an incredulous look, "Harry?"

"Yes sir" Harry held up a mirror in front of Mr Ashby's face.

He was shocked to find that he looked nothing like his normal self, "I'm better looking than that..." His gut reaction and reliefe that his wife couldn't recognize him gave way to the obvious question, "wait a minute, how is this possible?"

Roarke just shrugged, "My island, Mr. Ashby...." He still looked incredulous, "Go on, give it a try. Walk up to your wife and introduce yourself as say..... Dexter P. Moore."

Mr. Ashby couldn't wrap his mind around this strange turn of events, "But... my wife is here on Fantasy Island, I mean, what is she doing h-.

"Matthew! There you are!" Emily finally caught up to him after he'd torn off to the hotel.

"Ah...Miss Brant," Roarke nodded and kissed her hand, "I hope you are enjoying your stay.... excuse me....." He made to leave, but turned back to fix the concierge with a warning glance, "Harry, get back to work. "

"Sir." He nodded curtly, catching on that Mr. Ashby and Miss. Brant should be left alone.

Miss Brant smiled at Mr. Ashby,"Thought maybe I scared you off there."

"No..Emily um let me make it up to you....dinner? Tonight?"
===

Freefall gasped as he crawled, weak-kneed to the shore, chest heaving.

"Mr barnes!" Roarke called, as he cast his flyfishing line into the surf, All he could do is gasp in response, "You look tired. How about a nice relaxing jecuuzy and a trip to the mainland?"

"No way!" He growled, his determination steeled, there was no way he was going to admit that he was tired.

"I admire your persistance... by the way, your wife sent a message," He held out a crumpled peice of paper for him to take.

"Sharon," He gasped, staggering to his feet to take the message, "everything okay?" Just as he was about to take the message, the wind took it and it flew out into the ocean."

"Ooh, um... she wanted to know if you were safe and sound," He reeled in his line slowly, thinking, "which would rather beg the question...why aren't you with her?" He turned his attention fully to Mr. Barnes, as if he'd come to the heart of the matter.

Oh here he goes again. Barnes thought, "You know Mr roarke, I love Sharon, Husband and Wife shouldn't spend all their time together, otherwise... well, they get tired of each other..."

"So... you don't think of matrimony as an 'ever new and thrilling adventure'."

He was about to answer, when the pasty-skinned concierge, popped up from behind him, "Ah! Here we are!" Harry began chipperly, pulling out a clipboard, "I have your itinerary Mr. Barnes, I think we've found something that will really make you 'feel the rush'"

Freefall took one look at Harry and chuckled, "Hehe...where'd you find this weenie?"

An amused expression played across Roarkes face, "In a burning hotel. a little singed around the collar."

Harry looked shocked that Roarke would bring that up, but hid it by plugging forward, "Phase One: you run a marathon; the spokane lava flats. 26 miles of skillet hot crusted rock"

"....so?"

"No shoes."

"Ah, I'm likin' it."

"Phase Two: kayak down fantasy river to Karmia Gorge, class six rapids

"This is good. Cool!"

"Phase Three: Hang glide to the finish line. if you do not complete the course in 48 hours, you are 'ahem' ]a weenie'."

"You done talking?" Harry nodded and Barnes immediately headed in the direction indicated on the itinerary.

"Mr Barnes," Harry smirked, "shoes please."

A while later, he found himself stumbling across the lava flats, feet scalding on the hot stones. He wasn't going to let that little British fruitcake, Harry, call him a weenie.

[Mlle Bienvenu]

"Hi, um have we met each other?" Mr. Ashby carefully approached his wife in the dining room of the hotel, nervously stroking the invisible moustache that he'd seen in the mirror. The moustache he knew his wife would be able to see.

"No I don't think so... my name is carol Ashby" She smiled and extended her hand,

Mr. Ashby took her offered hand, "I"m uh Dexter P moore...with .... two ohs"

Just then another man approached her table, a Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome "Hi Carol, Sorry I'm late, I had to wait for an MRI to be faxed from the mainland"

"Oh that's okay...I just got here and Mr Moore was keeping me company

"Carl Pitser"

The man smiled and extended his hand and he shook it, disbelieving. "The doctor!?"

"Well that's more of a hobby, i'm actually a point guard for the Nicks" He winked and laughed.

"Um Mr moore and I were just having a little deja vu experiance." Carol continued, just as... of all people, Emily Brant arrived.

"Well, arent you going to introduce us?" Emily surveyed the scene, smiling genially.

"yeah I'm sorry...god..." He dug around for a name... any name... to give Emily, "This... is Wanda Belcher, yeah, Wanda Belcher."

"Nice to meet you Wanda." Carol said, extending her hand yet again, but to Ashby's horror, she hadn't quite caught up with the situation.

"You're Wanda." Ashby muttered to Emily.

"I am...oh! Of course I am!" She laughed... like a hyena.

A tense moment followed, thankfully the waiter, Cal, arrived, "You gonna be having your champange here?"

"That's a great idea," Emily exclaimed, "Why don't we dine together?"

"Thats a wonderful idea..." Carol agreed

"Yes... okay...." Ashby agreed half-heartedly, could this possibly get any worse?

===
Meanwhile, Mr. Barnes soaked his burnt and blistered feet in a clear cool pool. He'd made it through the lava flats, now just two more obsticals to go. He splashed water on his face to clear away the sulphorous smell that pervaded his nostrils. He almost choked on the water, because he could have sworn he saw the image of his wife reflected in the water, like some sort of watery television.

"What are you afraid of Mr Barnes." Roarke taunted from a precipice a few yards away, "you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Too many endorphins is all." He panted, getting to his feet, he wouldn't let the course beat him, he wouldn't give up. He was no wussy.

"You can stop this right now and go home." Roark suggested again.

Roarke didn't know when to shut up."Forget it!"

"Alright," Roarke sighed, "In that case, time is wasting." He swung an open pocket watch ticking down the seconds. Spurned on, Barnes got to his feet... next were the Rapids.

===

"Come on, let's go."

On another part of the island, Jackie and her fiance and her sister tromped through the brush.

"Jackie where the hell you taking us?" Her sister complained, not for the first and certainly not the last time.

"It's a surprise" Jackie insisted yet again.

"Shes snapping..." Her know-it-all sister quipped, Jackie rolled her eyes, she would show her....

"Come on, lets go...." Jackie picked up her pace, the sooner they got there....

Finally they arrived at a little broken down shack, going inside they were greeted by a thick layer of dust that hung in the air.

"Jackie this is like really wierd,"

Jackie ignored them, heading to the back of the shack to the thing she knew was there...they followed, thinking that she'd finally gone round the bend.

The group turned a corner and were surprised to find Cal, dressed as what looked for all like a stagehand
"Good you're here, because you're on in five...."

"we're on? on what!?" Their eyes widened, noticing a camera man, no to mention the large set which couldn't have possibly fit in that little shack.

"Hey Merve what happened to all the jelly doughnuts?" Cal wandered off, leaving them to their own devices.

"Is this, like ... real?" They were standing in the middle of the set of Jeopardy.

"What the hell is going on?"

Jackie smiled evilly, "The best vacation ever."

[Mlle Bienvenu]

CHAPTER FOUR

"And now, today's Jeopardy guest host, the man who knows everything, our own, Mr. Roarke!"

The studio audience of Jeopardy clapped loudly and Roarke occupied the space taken by Alex Trebec.

"Harry? Would you please introduce today's contestants."

"Well, Mr Roarke, today's contestants are a brainy pair of sibling rivals; Jackie and Regina Martin. Jackie's fiance, Roger Bittle joins them in this test of wits."

Everyone except Jackie looked like they'd rather be dangling over the mouth of an active volcano than be on Jeopardy.

"Hello Jackie."

"Hello Mr. Roarke."

"And who have you brought with you today Jackie."

"Well, I brough my mom and my dad, Hi guys! And my-

"Jackie!? You brought our whole family!?" Regina hissed at her sister in the next booth, and was totally ignored.

"-and Professor Stockwhist, from the law department...Hi!"

"Well! Lets get the game started! Ariel, what are the categories today?"

As the Jeopardy board's screens set up for the game, Ariel, the Vanna White of this fantasy, introduced the categories.



"Our categories today are... Estonian Literature, Ancient Plantlife, Quantum Theory, Masters of the Zither, Beuracrats of the Chin Dynasty and Famous French Gastronomes."

"Jackie, you get to select the first category."

"I'll take Famous French Gastreonomes for five hundred dollars please."

"For five hundred Dollars- "Although he did not invent Pate de Foi Gras, he set up the first Alsatian production center of this delicacy."

"Who is John Drosephalos."

"Correct!" ... " Isn't she brilliant."
===
Matthew Ashby watched as his wife Carol ran hand in hand along the beach with that doctor she seemed to be spending the vacation with.

"They're a fun couple." Emily said as she watched them. Matthew snorted.

"Fun couple!?"

"They're just really sweet, I think they're meant for each other"

Matthew frowned at her, "How can you say that!? You thing she really likes that George Clooney wannabe?

Emily guffawed, and slapped him playfully on the shoulder, "Hey! Let's go snorkling..I'll get the stuff."

'Sure Emily, sure..." But his thoughts were on Mrs. Ashby.

===
Freefall hurtled down the rapids in his kayak, the waters were rough, but not any rougher than any of the rapids he'd tackled before. His stomach did flip-flops as his kayak went around a particularly treacherous rapid and flipped over, again he found himself underwater, fighting for breath as his kayak was bashed against the rocks, he struggled to right himself. With one mighty push, the kayak broke the surface, turning rightside-up and Freefall let out a whoop.
===

"Alright, So we've reached the final round." Roarke intoned, both hands pressed to the podium, "Jackie can leave matters where they stand, and go home with 26,000 or she can risk it all to become our special fantasy island Jeopardy grand prise winner, And what is the grand prize today, Ariel?

"Our grand prise today," The beautiful Ariel said with a flourish, "is Ultimate Knowledge!"

"C'mon Jackie," Roger whined, "you've won 26,000 bucks, maybe we should just take it home."

Jackie cast a sidelong look at her sister and Roger, she recalled bitterly how they had always gotten the better of her. Twenty six thousand was a lot of money, but ultimate knowledge...."I'll go for it"

"Wonderful! Ariel, will you tell us what the final category is?"

The Jeopardy screen flashed on, "Our final categorie is; Skeletons in the Closet."

"The first answer is: In the attic behind the croquet set."

It didn't take Jackie very long to know what that was, although a part of her wondered why Roarke would ask such a bizzare question, it wasn't general knowledge, "Where did my parents hide the Christmas presents when I was a little kid."

"Correct!" Roarke announced, "Next answer: "With Johnny McPherson, when I was 18, in my parents bed.'"

Jackie paled, hesitating a second. She knew the answer quite well, but it was embarassing, and in front of all these people. She wished she hadn't brought all of her family now. But still, ultimate knowledge... What was a little embarassment to gaining ultimate knowledge? "How did I loose my virginity." She avoided looking at her parents, not wanting to see their reaction.

"Correct! Next answer-"



"Jackie, this had gone on long enough okay?" Regina hissed, "Can't we just stop this? You win. You're smarter."

Oh I bet she would love that thought Jackie, Me coming this close to Ultimate Knowledge and not going for it. She wouldn't let her sister have the satisfaction. She would pay for all those snide remarks and never again would Jackie Martin be second best, "Answer away, Mr Roark."

Roarke looked down at his answer cards, suddenly becoming very serious, "The answer to the question is: Your sister Regina." he intoned quietly.

"M-my sister Regina?" She thought, she could think of a dozen questions, but none of them felt like the one Mr. Roarke was looking for, and she was this close to gaining Ultimate Knowledge "uhh... I'm not sure I...know... my sister regina....my sister-" Suddenly it hit her, and before she could realize what she was saying, she blurted out the question she knew was right, "I know... the question is who slept with my fiance last year in Antigua."

"Correct." Roarke said sadly and quietly, "that is correct. Your sister regina," he repeated slowly for emphasis, to allow Jackie to fully understand the words she had blurted out so lightly, "who slept with your fiance, Roger."

Jackie's ears rang with realization, she looked at Regina helplessly, "But.., you're my sister."

Mr Roarke stepped away from the podium, the audience had disappeared, and now only Roger, Regina and Jackie remained.

"Congratulations Jackie, you've won." He said sadly with just a touch of sarcasm in his voice, "Now you know everything."

===
There was nothing like the feeling you got when plunging off a cliff and waiting for the moment when the hanglider would guide your descent.

The view stretched out in front of Freefall as he plunged off the cliff and steered the hanglider towards the end of the finish line, he was almost there. He already knew he'd get there in time, there was no doubt about that.

There was a sickening tearing noise, and Freefall looked over his shoulder as a large tear developed in his hanglider. He began to descend rapidly, fighting to keep the glider from spiraling out of control. And he was headed straight for the jungle.

Trees whipped his face as he was jostled through the treeline, and then he saw it. The finish line, he was headed straight for it, he couldn't believe his luck. He came to rest entangled upside down in the finish banner.

"Bravo!" Roarke clapped and walked towards the tree hung Freefall Barnes, "Bravo!"

"Roarke, that course was too easy." He said immediately, "Now, I was guarenteed the ultimate challenge, I expected to face death. That course was for wussies"

Roarke stopped, smiled mischeviously, and turned his head upside down, in order to talk to the hanging daredevil, "Well there was one more test I had in mind...." Roarke began temptingly, "but as yet, no one has overcome it."

He had Barnes' attention, "It? What? what is it?"

Roarke paused for effect, "No one has ever conquered Death Mountain."

"A tower of shear ice. A freak of nature Mr. Barnes formed by the cold currents native to this region. 1000 feet straight up. absolutely perpendicular, absolutely deadly."

He liked the way that sounded.

In no time at all, Barnes found himself climbing the mountain of mountains. He was about halfway up the monster, the arctic winds whipping his frozen face, he could barely see in front of him, and his muscles quivered from the exertion of pulling himself straight up.

He struck his ice pick into the ice, but instead he struck a rock. The pick recoiled and flew out of his hand. He watched in horror as it fell the thousands of feet he'd already covered.

He did some quick thinking, he could start on his way down, or he could finish the monolith. He was so close and he remembered what Roarke said; no one had ever beaten Death Mountain. He swore he would be the first. Besides, he still had one ice pick left.

He dug his fingers into the shear ice, and tentatively put his weight on them, pulling his remaining ice pick for another swing. But his fingers were frozen, and he didn't feel himself loosing his grip on the slippery surface. Vainly he made a swing at the mountain with his ice pick, but missed. He was falling.

He woke up sometime later. Lying flat on his back, "Whoa," He breathed, a small smile creeping up at the corners of his mouth, "fifteen seconds of freefall without a parachute, incredible!"

Roarke looked down at him while the clouds roiled around him like an angry sea, "Yes," Roarke said gravely, "it's a terrible tragedy."

"What? What do you mean?" He tried to sit up, but found he couldn't.

"I mean, Mr Barnes. You are dead."

Freefall looked down, and noticed that his legs seemed to be bent in funny angles, but that wasn't the most disturbing thing, He looked down and saw he had landed on his ice pick.

[Mlle Bienvenu]

CHAPTER FIVE

"This could be very bad for the tourist economy." Roarke continued, circling around the fallen daredevil.

"This is crazy, it doesn't even hurt!"

Roarke raised an eyebrow, "Of course not, Freefall, you will never feel pain again, or pleasure for that matter, no Mr. Barnes, death doesn't hurt, it's life that hurts." Roarke smirked, "Now it's time for my fantasy."

"What do you mean 'your fantasy'?"

"I've often wondered what it would be like to lead a normal life, the same kind of life that you're running away from."

And in a moment, they were no longer in the shadow of Death Mountain, they were what sounded like a hospital. Mr. Barnes was inexplicably drawn to the nearest hospital room where doctors were in the middle of a delicate operation. He looked in to see who the patient was, and gasped.

"Sharon."

"Welcome to the most extreme game of all, Mr. Barnes," Roarke appeared behind him, "the first event: Birth. It was a painful labour Mr. Barnes and an emergency cesarian had to be preformed, You know, it takes quite a man to see someone through something like this. I'll wager it's even more difficult than scaling a five point eleven slope, of course, you are no longer entered in this event."

Barnes watched as his baby took it's first breaths.

"It's a girl."

"That's my ... that's my baby...." He wanted to hold her, his child, his daughter, and his wife. But Roarke suddenly whisked him away.

Barnes found himself in a church, At a funeral, a snuffling noise made him turn his head, "Mom." He wanted to go over to comfort her, but knew he couldn't. He was dead.

"Event number two: Loss... the loss of your father,"

"Oh my god, that's my father...." Somehow, the death of his father was worse than his own death. He wanted to leave, but Roarke pressed on.

"How can we overcome it? how can we climb out of the canyons of despair, how can we lead other's out? Have you been there? have you done that?" Roarke spat sarcasticly, Barnes shivered, feeling the sting of his own words coming back on him. But he didn't have time to think on it. He was suddenly somewhere else.

He was in an open meadow, Barnes' eyes widend, "Sharons getting remarried?"

"No Ricky, that isn't your wife, this is your daugher's wedding day. Event Number three: Happiness. To see your daugher grown into a woman, To pass the torch from one generation to the next, to grow older, and gain wisdom." He watched, overcome with the fatherly pride blossoming in his chest as his daughter kissed her husband. He remembered his own wedding day, still so fresh in his mind. He thought of Sharon all alone, without him...

"Roarke, I wanna go back, I can't miss all this."

"No disrespect Mr. Barnes but these events are far to extreme for you . You.... well..." Roarke smirked, "you are a wussy."

They were back on the frozen tundra in the valley of Death Mountain. He again layed broken on the hard icey earth, a pick sticking through his back.

"Give me one more chance!" He pleaded.

"Impossible." Roarke scoffed, and meant to leave him there. He turned to leave

"Wait!" He grabbed at the first thought that came into his mind, "...wait...this was not my fantasy,"

Roarke stiffened and turned back to face his unsatisfied customer, "What's that Mr. Barnes?" He growled.

"My fantasy was to have the most extreme experiance on the planet, you owe it to me, I want it. I want to live."

Roarke cocked his head to one side and smirked, "Well, now you're begining to use your head, Ricky. A rather good sign." Reaching into his inner breast pocket, he pulled out a white envelope.

"What's that?"

"This is an invitation to the extreme games. An invitation to life... are you man enough to accept it?"

"I hope so," He answered softly, sincerly hoping he wouldn't screw it up, "Just let me have the chance.

"Alright," Roark said with the hint of a smile, and handed him the envelope, "take it to the max."

===

"Roarke I need Carol to recognise me, I want you to take the spell off," Matthew Ashby walked straight into the hotel kitchen.

"Your connsume raft is breaking up," Roarke glared at Cal, now the cook. Who glared haughtily back at Roarke.

"What am I supposed to do about it?"

"Fix it," Roarke growled, turning to Matthew, "I wish I could Mr. Ashby, but I'm afraid I can't." Roarke continued walking out of the kitchen, snagging something from off a platter on the way out.

"What do you mean 'I can't'!?" Matthew followed him, growing more aggitated with Roarke every second.

"Mmm! delicious smoked salmon... Mr. Ashby, Marcel Proust once wrote: 'When you come to live with a women, you will soon cease to see anything of what made you love her, although it is true the two sundered elements can be reunited by jealousy.'" Roarke continued to walk away from Ashby, but Ashby wouldn't be satisfied by such a glib answer.

"Wait a minute, what does that mean?"

"The power's in your hands, not mine, to break the spell."

Five minutes later, Ashby approached Carol and Dr. Perfect at their table.

"Carol, I need to talk to you."

"Are you alright Dexter?" The doctor responded.

"Listen, Dr. Feelgood, I would appreciate it if you'd just stay out of of this." Ashby snarled.

"There's no reason to be hostile, Dexter." Carol said, surprised.

"Carol, I love you, you're perfect for me, you're smart your funny, your level headed and you you don't laugh like a hyena."

The doctor stood up, "Alright, I think you'd better calm down pal."

"You gotta believe me Carol," Ashby pleaded, "I know I've been stupid and dishonest but worst of all I didn't even know my own heart. and I just don't want to lose you."

"I said back off!" The doctor stood between him and Carol, taking a defensive posture.

But Ashby continued to plead, "Please. please Carol please recognise me, Its me Carol...oh god this stupid face," He pulled at his cheeks in frustration, "I hate it! I wish I could just rip it off!" If only Roark had told him how to break the spell.

"Alright that's enough-"

"Carol I-" The doctor punched him, knocking him off his feet.

Carol jumped from her seat, "Oh my god! Matthew are you okay!?"

"C'mon carol, let's go."

"Leave us alone!" She snapped at him, "Matthew, are you okay!?"

"Matthew! You called me Matthew..you recognise me?"

Carol looked close to tears, "There was no spell, Matthew," she said slowly, "this was my fantasy. Make my husband see what he was missing, Make him appreciate our marriage again."

===
As the sun set over the tropical island, Roarke watched as Carol and Matthew Ashby shared a slow dance on the out door dance floor. A figure approached Roarke, Emily.

But it wasn't Emily, slowly her features changed; where once there stood the blonde beauty, there was now a brunnet with exotic features.

Roarke didn't turn around as she came to join him in watching the Ashby's.

"You did a wonderful job Ariel," He said finally, "We're very lucky to have someone of your talents on board."

"Thank You."

"I hope the work wasn't too odious."

"Oh no, on the contrary, I enjoyed it. almost as fun as the real thing." They stood in companionable silence for some time, watching the happy couple dance, "Do you miss it Roarke," she asked finally, "the desire... the need..."

It took a moment for him to reply. Finally, he said softly, "I've forgotten."

"It's a shame... maybe I could refresh your memory sometime."

[Mlle Bienvenu]

CHAPTER SIX

Miss. Jackie Martin stuffed some bills into Cal's hand as he took her bags out to the waiting plane.

"Cal, no tips." Cal sighed and forked over the bills, "Any others?" Cal scowled and handed him the rest of the tips he'd collected.

Jackie marched up to Mr. Roarke when she saw him, "Do you enjoy it Roarke? Ruining peoples lives like this?"

Roarke sighed, "No miss Martin, as a matter of fact I find fantasies like yours quite unsettling," She scowled at him, as if she didn't believe him, "Let me tell you something;" He continued in a fatherly tone, "Your life isn't ruined. You gained a great deal of knowledge. The quetion is: what are you going to do with it? Are you going to carry a chip on your shoulder? Or are you going to find forgiveness," Jackie turned to look at her sister, who was watching the rolling waves listlessly from the balcony, "What's it going to be Jackie?"

Jackie Martin joined her sister on the balcony.

===

"Thank you for staying with us," Roarke said as his guests stood on the boarwalk, gathering to depart, "Do come visit us again."

"No way Mr. Roarke, normal life will be just fine." Mr. Ashby smiled and held his wife close.

Roarke smirked, with a twinkle in his eye, "I think other of our guests would agree with you."

Mr. Barnes hesitated to get on the plane. "What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Nothing!" He said too quickly, "I'm just...a little afraid of flying." he muttered.

As the plane disembarked, Cal, Harry, Roarke and Ariel walked up the boardwalk.

"Hey! it's the new guy..." Cal smiled, "listen you know that thing you did, You know, look like any women, I always had this thing for Uma Therman, you think you could ... ?"

Ariel didn't miss a beat, "Don't hold your breath."

"I love it when a women plays hard to get."

"Oh I'm not hard to get Cal, I'm impossible to get."

"Well gentleman...and lady. A job well done."

"So uh..." Harry began.

"Are we any closer to getting....?" Cal added.

"Released?" Roarke turned to face them, his face in an expression halfway between a smile and a smirk, "A little closer..." He continued walking, "A little closer...."

===
Roarke signed the Fantasy form and sent it on it's way back to Fisher.

Hundreds of miles away, it arrived. Fisher took it out of the pneumatic tube, and it promptly burst into flames.

"Dammit!" He curse as he dropped the burning paper.

Clia gave him a dirty look, "Watch your language."

But Fisher's attention was elsewhere, he was looking out the front of the travel agency windows with the hint of a smile in his eye.

"What!?"


"Ahh....I've got one..." There was a clash of lightening and a buisness man ducked into the shop to get out of the pouring rain.

"Excuse me, I was making a very important call and my cell phone went out. You mind if I use yours?"

"Why certainly Mr. Burton!"

"How did you know my name?"

"Amazing isn't it? Coffee?"

"Oh alright"

Fisher ushered him deeper into the shop, "What you need is a trip, You might not know this, Mr Burton, but your son thinks you need a vacation, hehe...I'll give you the trip you've been dreaming about...."

[Mlle Bienvenu]

Here's the Fantasy Island theme song, by John Ottman.

mywebpage.netscape.com/Myriel%20Bienvenu/FI4.mp3