The Gilderoy Lockhart Song

[Mlle Bienvenu]

This is a filk based on the song, 'The Elephant' by Flanders and Swann.


Being a famous sorcerer is incredible, not slow
I've been a sorcerer all me life so I blooming well ought to know.

They never forget my name or face, ooooh!
They follow me from place to place, ooooh!
I, of course, am smiling wide
And gracefully will swell with pride
the publicity that spreads my fame
from all the books that bear my name, ooooh!

And all because a perfect smile got me in Witch Weekly.
But that wasn’t enough for me!

So I'm suffering from amnesia
My mind's a perfect blank!
Now life is very much easier
And Weasley’s wand’s to thank;
I'm being psychoanalyzed,
I lie on a divan
And flash a smile and try to look charming as I can!

I'm an Extroverted, Gilderoy-centric, megalomaniac,
And I'll stick in St Mungo’s hospital till I get me memory back!

I'm a kleptomaniac,
My charm, it never fails,
Obliviating their memories
So I can spin me tales;
I've stolen their achievements
The world will never guess
That ugly witches and wizards
Are the secret to success!

I'm an Extroverted, Gilderoy-centric, kleptomaniac,
And I'll stick in St.Mungo’s Hospital till I get me memory back!

I suffer from megalomania
Head’s as wide as it is long
Now I’m off to save Armenia
(or, that’s what I tell the throng.)
I’ve saved them all from werewolves
(or at least that’s what I wrote)
They never guess that all the time
I'm laughing in me throat!

I'm an Extroverted, Gilderoy-centric, Megalomaniac,
And I'll stick in St. Mungo’s Hospital till I get me memory back!

(Hums very badly)
Practicing me charming winning smile!
(More humming very badly)
And I'll stick in St. Mungo’s Hospital till I get me memory,
get me memory,
get me memory back!

[Sailor Earth]

So cool! Hehehe! ;D

[Demonic Neko]

ROTFLMAO!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Oh Gaawd this is frickin Funny!!!! ;D ;D ;D
::laughs so hard she cries::

[Mlle Bienvenu]

A elephant's life is tedious, laborious and slow
I've been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know.
He never forgets a name or face ooooh!
He knows his way from place to place ooooh!
Remembers to be dutiful
And when to push and when to pull
An when he's dead the dealer calls
And buys his tusks for biliard balls ooooh!
And all because an elephant's got a perfect memory.
That wasn't the life for me!
So I'm suffering form amnesia
My mind's a perfect blank!
Now life is very much easier
Amnesia's to thank;
I'm being psychoanalysed,
I lie on a divan
And flap me ears and try to look a barmy as I can!
I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home till I get me memory back!

I'm suffering from Hysteria,
I nearly split me sides,
To watch the others get wearier
of giving children rides;
I've told my psychoanalyst
that I'm a sacred cow
I'd like to carry a Howdah
but I can't remember how!
I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home till I get me memory back!

I suffer from Schizophrenia
It comes on me in spells
Sometimes I'm King of Armenia
At others I'm Orson Welles.
I tell them I'm Napoleon
and all that sort of bunk
They never guess that all the time
I'm laughing up me trunk!
I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac,
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home till I get me memory back!
(Elephant noises)
Practising me trumpet half the night,
(More Elephant noises)
And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home till I get me memory,
get me memory,
get me memory back!