Post by Mlle Bienvenu on Sept 4, 2003 0:03:18 GMT -5
Joanne Rowling and the Three Year Summer -
Or
What Really Happend Between Books Four and Five.
Authors Note: Lots of creative liscense has been taken in the portrayal of Joanne Rowling. This is just my attempt at explaining in a fun way the dramatic change in writing style, the general grittiness of OotP.CONTAINS ORDER OF THE PHEONIX SPOILERS
Chapter the First
It started off as a fairly normal day for Joanne Rowling, well, as normal as it can get an internationallay famous author. She had gotten up, made herself breakfast, made a few phone calls to her publishers, Goblet of Fire had just been released and she had already begun on Order of the Phoenix. Life was good.
There was no reason suspect that strange and mysterious things were happening.
Joanne settled down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and her computer and began typing for the day.
Right in the middle of chapter three, there was a crash from the living room. She couldn't be sure, but it sounded like the flower vase she kept in the living room.
"Fool!" Came a strangled sort of whisper
"Sorry!" A female voice whispered back.
"Reparo!" Replied the first voice and then there was an odd sound like china against china.
Joanne stiffened, although they were whispereing, she could clearly tell that the voices didn't belong to anyone she knew. It had to be robbers.... or rabid fans. Quietly she went to the phone. It was dead. She retrieved her cell phone. No service.
And in the living room, there was a sound like a roaring fire, then the rush of wind, and then a dull thud.
"Be quiet, you two! Do you want the muggle to hear you?"
"It's difficult to see in these things!"
They said muggle. They must be rabid fans, Joanne decided. She had to get out of the house. So she went as quietly as she could to the kitchen door. Inexplicably, it was jammed.
"There! You see? She's heard us. Thank you very much, the both of you."
"We've done the doors and windows, so there's no danger of her leaving," And the voice snorted, "It's not like she doesn't know about our world, now is it? She wrote the book, so to speak."
"Pin it, Potter." Growled the other male voice.
"Yes...sir. "
She tried all available windows and doors, they were all jammed. In a panic she went and hid hereslf in the hall cupboard.She wasn't sure how long she waited in between the coats and golashes but there came no further conversation or noise from the burgalers. She slowly opened the door and peered cautiously down the hall. There was no one.
She grabbed a heavy old umbrella from the closet and crept down the hall. All she could think was that she had to find a way out of the house. They couldn't possibly have locked all the doors in the entire house. She thought if any place was open, it would be the basement. But to get to the basement, she had to pass through the living room.
Slowly she crept around the edge of the archway leading to the living room. There was no one in the room, but ashy footprints were leading out of the fireplace. The strangest thing was that it felt warm. She gripped the umbrella tighter, lifting it like a baseball bat. There was a scuffling noise and her head snapped up.
"Who's there?"
No response.
"If you leave now. I won't call the police."
Still no response.
There was a small stifled sound like a sneeze and Jo brought her umbrella back to get a good swing at the sound, but it hit something behind her, there was a muffled sort of 'ouf!' and a sound like someone falling. But there was no one there. She swung at the sound Connecting hard with the invisable mass, the carpet ruffled inexplicably. She stepped forward int he hopes she'd hit the thing again and out of nowhere a man appeared.
"Accio invisibility cloak!"
"Oh no you don't!" Jo ground her foot into the silvery material, "I think I deserve an explanation."
"No. You don't. Obliv-" The man raised what looked for all the world like a magic wand.
"-NO!" A woman with blue hair leaped out of nowhere and diverted the man's arm, "you can't do that! She'll forget everything! We can't have her forgetting everything!"
The man, who Jo realized bore an uncanny resemblance to how she pictured Severus Snape, seemed to wrestle with something in his mind, finally he raised his wand and pointed at the sofa, "You. Sit."
"That's it, they've surrounded the area," A young sounding voice seemed to come from the kitchen, "they know we must be here somewhere. Are you sure they won't find the house?"
"Not unless our Secret-Keeper's told them, they could be looking in the window and they wouldn't see us."
"Who are you people? And what are you doing in my house?"
"Trying to keep you alive." The snapeish one said shortly, "How many can you see?" he called to the other room.
" Two from this window. I saw about ten or fifteen or so in all."
"Ten or fifteen what?"
"Death Eaters."
"That's not funny."
He gave her a grim frown, "No one's laughing."
"What do we do now?" The voice from the kitchen was heading this way.
"We wait. And do take that off, she already knows we're here." A young man with unkempt black hair and glasses appeared out of nowhere by the door jamb holding a piece of silvery cloth. A part of her mind told her he was holding an invisibility cloak, that all the people had been wearing invisibility cloaks and all of them carried magic wands and had said things like 'Death Eater', Secret-Keeper, and 'Obliviate' but the larger and more vocal part kept telling that part to shut up, because invisibility cloaks, magic wands, Death Eaters, Secret-Keepers, and memory charms, naturally, did not exist outside of her books.
"Look, if you want to know what happens in book five, I'll tell you just please, please don't hurt me or my family."
The black haired boy snorted and sat heavily into a nearby chair, "We already know what happens in 'book five' I basically get the snot cursed out of me due to my own stupidity...and oh yeah, I almost forgot the best part, my godfather's killed."
"You can't possibly know that. I haven't written....I mean I've taken notes but they're all coded....I was so careful..."
"As I said before, we're here to protect you, not to harm you. There is a team of highly trained aurors looking after your husband and child."
"Aurors don't exist."
"Don't be stupid, of course they exist."
"I made them up!"
"And I'm telling you you didn't!"
" I did!"
"Not!"
"Snivellus!"
He raised his wand.
"WHO wants some tea?" The blue haired woman jumped up from her chair, "I'm going to make tea, would anyone like some?"
"NO!" Snape and Jo shouted at the same time.
The young man pointed his wand at the two of them, "Both of you sit down. We're going to start again. It's dangerous not telling people things they aught to know."
"That's it. I've finally lost it," Jo muttered to herself, "Someone rent me a padded cell, because I could swear you all look like characters from my books... except you," She pointed to the blue haired woman who was coming in with the tea things, "I don't know who you are."
"Nymphadora Tonks. Auror. And you're Joanne Rowling."
She shook her head, "Let's assume for a moment that all of you are real, and not a figments of my imagination, and that I haven't fallen asleep at the keyboard or that I haven't slipped into an exhaustion induced madness... What are you all doing here? Why do I need protection from Death Eaters, how did I happen to create you people when I'd never met you before now, why are you still alive?" She looked at the one with the messy black hair.
"What do you mean why am I still alive?"
"Well, you are supposed to be James aren't you?"
He lifted up his bangs to reveal a thin jagged scar.
"Oh Harry! I'm so sorry! It's just that you look so...grown up."
Or
What Really Happend Between Books Four and Five.
Authors Note: Lots of creative liscense has been taken in the portrayal of Joanne Rowling. This is just my attempt at explaining in a fun way the dramatic change in writing style, the general grittiness of OotP.CONTAINS ORDER OF THE PHEONIX SPOILERS
Chapter the First
It started off as a fairly normal day for Joanne Rowling, well, as normal as it can get an internationallay famous author. She had gotten up, made herself breakfast, made a few phone calls to her publishers, Goblet of Fire had just been released and she had already begun on Order of the Phoenix. Life was good.
There was no reason suspect that strange and mysterious things were happening.
Joanne settled down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and her computer and began typing for the day.
Right in the middle of chapter three, there was a crash from the living room. She couldn't be sure, but it sounded like the flower vase she kept in the living room.
"Fool!" Came a strangled sort of whisper
"Sorry!" A female voice whispered back.
"Reparo!" Replied the first voice and then there was an odd sound like china against china.
Joanne stiffened, although they were whispereing, she could clearly tell that the voices didn't belong to anyone she knew. It had to be robbers.... or rabid fans. Quietly she went to the phone. It was dead. She retrieved her cell phone. No service.
And in the living room, there was a sound like a roaring fire, then the rush of wind, and then a dull thud.
"Be quiet, you two! Do you want the muggle to hear you?"
"It's difficult to see in these things!"
They said muggle. They must be rabid fans, Joanne decided. She had to get out of the house. So she went as quietly as she could to the kitchen door. Inexplicably, it was jammed.
"There! You see? She's heard us. Thank you very much, the both of you."
"We've done the doors and windows, so there's no danger of her leaving," And the voice snorted, "It's not like she doesn't know about our world, now is it? She wrote the book, so to speak."
"Pin it, Potter." Growled the other male voice.
"Yes...sir. "
She tried all available windows and doors, they were all jammed. In a panic she went and hid hereslf in the hall cupboard.She wasn't sure how long she waited in between the coats and golashes but there came no further conversation or noise from the burgalers. She slowly opened the door and peered cautiously down the hall. There was no one.
She grabbed a heavy old umbrella from the closet and crept down the hall. All she could think was that she had to find a way out of the house. They couldn't possibly have locked all the doors in the entire house. She thought if any place was open, it would be the basement. But to get to the basement, she had to pass through the living room.
Slowly she crept around the edge of the archway leading to the living room. There was no one in the room, but ashy footprints were leading out of the fireplace. The strangest thing was that it felt warm. She gripped the umbrella tighter, lifting it like a baseball bat. There was a scuffling noise and her head snapped up.
"Who's there?"
No response.
"If you leave now. I won't call the police."
Still no response.
There was a small stifled sound like a sneeze and Jo brought her umbrella back to get a good swing at the sound, but it hit something behind her, there was a muffled sort of 'ouf!' and a sound like someone falling. But there was no one there. She swung at the sound Connecting hard with the invisable mass, the carpet ruffled inexplicably. She stepped forward int he hopes she'd hit the thing again and out of nowhere a man appeared.
"Accio invisibility cloak!"
"Oh no you don't!" Jo ground her foot into the silvery material, "I think I deserve an explanation."
"No. You don't. Obliv-" The man raised what looked for all the world like a magic wand.
"-NO!" A woman with blue hair leaped out of nowhere and diverted the man's arm, "you can't do that! She'll forget everything! We can't have her forgetting everything!"
The man, who Jo realized bore an uncanny resemblance to how she pictured Severus Snape, seemed to wrestle with something in his mind, finally he raised his wand and pointed at the sofa, "You. Sit."
"That's it, they've surrounded the area," A young sounding voice seemed to come from the kitchen, "they know we must be here somewhere. Are you sure they won't find the house?"
"Not unless our Secret-Keeper's told them, they could be looking in the window and they wouldn't see us."
"Who are you people? And what are you doing in my house?"
"Trying to keep you alive." The snapeish one said shortly, "How many can you see?" he called to the other room.
" Two from this window. I saw about ten or fifteen or so in all."
"Ten or fifteen what?"
"Death Eaters."
"That's not funny."
He gave her a grim frown, "No one's laughing."
"What do we do now?" The voice from the kitchen was heading this way.
"We wait. And do take that off, she already knows we're here." A young man with unkempt black hair and glasses appeared out of nowhere by the door jamb holding a piece of silvery cloth. A part of her mind told her he was holding an invisibility cloak, that all the people had been wearing invisibility cloaks and all of them carried magic wands and had said things like 'Death Eater', Secret-Keeper, and 'Obliviate' but the larger and more vocal part kept telling that part to shut up, because invisibility cloaks, magic wands, Death Eaters, Secret-Keepers, and memory charms, naturally, did not exist outside of her books.
"Look, if you want to know what happens in book five, I'll tell you just please, please don't hurt me or my family."
The black haired boy snorted and sat heavily into a nearby chair, "We already know what happens in 'book five' I basically get the snot cursed out of me due to my own stupidity...and oh yeah, I almost forgot the best part, my godfather's killed."
"You can't possibly know that. I haven't written....I mean I've taken notes but they're all coded....I was so careful..."
"As I said before, we're here to protect you, not to harm you. There is a team of highly trained aurors looking after your husband and child."
"Aurors don't exist."
"Don't be stupid, of course they exist."
"I made them up!"
"And I'm telling you you didn't!"
" I did!"
"Not!"
"Snivellus!"
He raised his wand.
"WHO wants some tea?" The blue haired woman jumped up from her chair, "I'm going to make tea, would anyone like some?"
"NO!" Snape and Jo shouted at the same time.
The young man pointed his wand at the two of them, "Both of you sit down. We're going to start again. It's dangerous not telling people things they aught to know."
"That's it. I've finally lost it," Jo muttered to herself, "Someone rent me a padded cell, because I could swear you all look like characters from my books... except you," She pointed to the blue haired woman who was coming in with the tea things, "I don't know who you are."
"Nymphadora Tonks. Auror. And you're Joanne Rowling."
She shook her head, "Let's assume for a moment that all of you are real, and not a figments of my imagination, and that I haven't fallen asleep at the keyboard or that I haven't slipped into an exhaustion induced madness... What are you all doing here? Why do I need protection from Death Eaters, how did I happen to create you people when I'd never met you before now, why are you still alive?" She looked at the one with the messy black hair.
"What do you mean why am I still alive?"
"Well, you are supposed to be James aren't you?"
He lifted up his bangs to reveal a thin jagged scar.
"Oh Harry! I'm so sorry! It's just that you look so...grown up."
