Post by Big Brother on Apr 16, 2005 2:14:58 GMT -5
Since Mlle seems to have temporarily abandoned the effort to write these parodies, I have volunteered to do a couple. Here's episode sixteen, "That Which is Lost":
GLUTTONY (Sniffs bullet): Me smell mad-dog Ishbalan...but now he's good-bye...
LUST: Don't eat the bullet, moron...we'll stop at Burger Fuhrer later if you promise to use your indoor voice, okay?
GLUTTONY: I'm the moron? You're the one who foolishly attracted the attention of the soldier a few minutes ago, knowing full well that they way *you* look, he'll remember you for the rest of his life!
(In the Fuhrer's office)
ROY: For no good reason, I'll admit to high treason.
BRADLEY: I'll let you off the hook.
ROY: Because I'm a main character and the show would be less interesting if you had me shot?
BRADLEY: No, because even I don't dare piss off Hawkeye!
ED: I don't trust the military, especially Colonel Mustang.
ROY: We're giving you free train tickets home, paying the huge bill to get you and your brother fixed, and also providing a bodyguard so you don't get killed by the guy we were fighting when we did the nasty stuff that you don't trust us for.
ED: I still don't trust you.
HUGHES: Okay, we need a bodyguard who can also change Ed's diapers. I'm about to head to central as well, but who wants the job?
ROY: I need to stay here and hunt Scar
HAWKEYE: I need to stay here and give the 'shippers something to drool over.
HAVOC: I'd do it, but I don't know how to change diapers.
EVERYONE ELSE: Same here!
ARMSTRONG: Sigh...well, I know a method of applying talcum powder that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations...I guess I'll babysit them.
ED: So who's gonna change your massive diapers?
ARMSTRONG: Only Al has the strength and long enough arms to reach around my massive hips...
AL: ulp...!
(At the train station)
ED: Ah, here we are, platform 9 and 3/4...
HUGHES: By the way, that chimera whose head got exploded several episodes ago? Guess who did that?
ED: Gee, who do I know who blows up heads?
HUGHES: Well, just thought I'd point it out in case you didn't notice the obvious similarities.
SCAR: I will now reinforce my eeee-vilness by threatening a refugee from Newsies.
(In Marcoh's safe house, a knock sounds on the door of his room)
MARCOH: Ah, room service, it's about time!
LUST: Did you order some pop stickers? *Imitates the T-1000*
MARCOH: No, actually I ordered a she-ke-bob! *Impales her with the linoleum*
LUST: Foolish human, you should know that phallic objects are incapable of harming ME!
MARCOH: Holey Homunculi!
LUST: Yes, on both counts....ouch....that will heal, but it still hurts!
MARCOH: So what do you want from me?
LUST: Well, I'm the personification of sexual lust, and my companion here loves French food, so I thought we'd combine our interests by having him eat a cute chick in a
kinky French maid's outfit!
MARCOH: Ah, so the hooker I ordered also arrived...
LUST: And if you want her to live long enough for the slashfic writers to turn this scene into a gangbang, you'll tell me where you hid your notes!
MARCOH: Ironically, I think Gluttony will like the book more than you will.
LUST: I doubt it, I don't think he can read.
(On the train)
ED: I think I'll go check on Al..Al? Where'd you go? Dammit, I knew sticking him in the car with the sheep was a baaaad idea...
ARMSTRONG: Apparently, some guy named Clyde Camlin accidentally took him off with his luggage...
ED: Dammit, I gotta go find him!
ED: This rural train station is strangely deserted for a holiday weekend...
GIRL: Yeah, it's BOXING DAY! *Beans Ed with a box, steals his leg*
ED: Dammit, I'm rapidly running out of limbs! I knew train tickets cost an arm and a leg, but I didn't think they meant that literally!
GANG BOY: Hmmm...I think I'll steal a suit of armor that will make me invulnerable to bullets!
AL: Yeah, so long as no one aims for the gaping hole in my side...
GANG BOY: Aaah! Talking armor! *Crashes bicycle*
ED: You know, for someone evil enough to steal a cripple's artificial leg, you're pretty nice people...
DISABLED VET: Ah, you can keep the automail leg, I actually prefer being a cripple.
ED: Why?
DISABLED VET: I get lots of sympathy sex from women with strong maternal instincts!
ED: Don't talk about maternal instincts to a guy with a dead mom!
DISABLED VET: Sorry, man...do you at least get sympathy dates from chicks by telling them you're a crippled orphan?
ED: Never thought of that...
DISABLED VET: Consider it equivalent exchange...lose a mom, lose your virginity!
ED: Sadly, my best chance at a date is a chick who works with cripples for a living, so she's kind of immune to sympathy for limbless guys...and she also lost her mom, so
that angle doesn't work on her, either!
DISABLED VET: Man, what a crappy coincidence, eh?
GANG BOY: Speaking of unlikely coincidences, guess who's son stole your metallic brother?
ED: Well, they stole my leg and my brother, so I'll steal their wagon.
AL: Faster, coolie, or we'll miss our train!
ED: Dude, your side is broken, not your legs...you should be able to walk, ya big load!
ARMSTRONG: Did someone mention big loads? My diaper needs changing now...
ED: Let me guess, this method of tracking down crippled children...
Armstrong: ...Has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations, yes! Now, as usual, I'm stuck with trying to carry the scene!
GLUTTONY (Sniffs bullet): Me smell mad-dog Ishbalan...but now he's good-bye...
LUST: Don't eat the bullet, moron...we'll stop at Burger Fuhrer later if you promise to use your indoor voice, okay?
GLUTTONY: I'm the moron? You're the one who foolishly attracted the attention of the soldier a few minutes ago, knowing full well that they way *you* look, he'll remember you for the rest of his life!
(In the Fuhrer's office)
ROY: For no good reason, I'll admit to high treason.
BRADLEY: I'll let you off the hook.
ROY: Because I'm a main character and the show would be less interesting if you had me shot?
BRADLEY: No, because even I don't dare piss off Hawkeye!
ED: I don't trust the military, especially Colonel Mustang.
ROY: We're giving you free train tickets home, paying the huge bill to get you and your brother fixed, and also providing a bodyguard so you don't get killed by the guy we were fighting when we did the nasty stuff that you don't trust us for.
ED: I still don't trust you.
HUGHES: Okay, we need a bodyguard who can also change Ed's diapers. I'm about to head to central as well, but who wants the job?
ROY: I need to stay here and hunt Scar
HAWKEYE: I need to stay here and give the 'shippers something to drool over.
HAVOC: I'd do it, but I don't know how to change diapers.
EVERYONE ELSE: Same here!
ARMSTRONG: Sigh...well, I know a method of applying talcum powder that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations...I guess I'll babysit them.
ED: So who's gonna change your massive diapers?
ARMSTRONG: Only Al has the strength and long enough arms to reach around my massive hips...
AL: ulp...!
(At the train station)
ED: Ah, here we are, platform 9 and 3/4...
HUGHES: By the way, that chimera whose head got exploded several episodes ago? Guess who did that?
ED: Gee, who do I know who blows up heads?
HUGHES: Well, just thought I'd point it out in case you didn't notice the obvious similarities.
SCAR: I will now reinforce my eeee-vilness by threatening a refugee from Newsies.
(In Marcoh's safe house, a knock sounds on the door of his room)
MARCOH: Ah, room service, it's about time!
LUST: Did you order some pop stickers? *Imitates the T-1000*
MARCOH: No, actually I ordered a she-ke-bob! *Impales her with the linoleum*
LUST: Foolish human, you should know that phallic objects are incapable of harming ME!
MARCOH: Holey Homunculi!
LUST: Yes, on both counts....ouch....that will heal, but it still hurts!
MARCOH: So what do you want from me?
LUST: Well, I'm the personification of sexual lust, and my companion here loves French food, so I thought we'd combine our interests by having him eat a cute chick in a
kinky French maid's outfit!
MARCOH: Ah, so the hooker I ordered also arrived...
LUST: And if you want her to live long enough for the slashfic writers to turn this scene into a gangbang, you'll tell me where you hid your notes!
MARCOH: Ironically, I think Gluttony will like the book more than you will.
LUST: I doubt it, I don't think he can read.
(On the train)
ED: I think I'll go check on Al..Al? Where'd you go? Dammit, I knew sticking him in the car with the sheep was a baaaad idea...
ARMSTRONG: Apparently, some guy named Clyde Camlin accidentally took him off with his luggage...
ED: Dammit, I gotta go find him!
ED: This rural train station is strangely deserted for a holiday weekend...
GIRL: Yeah, it's BOXING DAY! *Beans Ed with a box, steals his leg*
ED: Dammit, I'm rapidly running out of limbs! I knew train tickets cost an arm and a leg, but I didn't think they meant that literally!
GANG BOY: Hmmm...I think I'll steal a suit of armor that will make me invulnerable to bullets!
AL: Yeah, so long as no one aims for the gaping hole in my side...
GANG BOY: Aaah! Talking armor! *Crashes bicycle*
ED: You know, for someone evil enough to steal a cripple's artificial leg, you're pretty nice people...
DISABLED VET: Ah, you can keep the automail leg, I actually prefer being a cripple.
ED: Why?
DISABLED VET: I get lots of sympathy sex from women with strong maternal instincts!
ED: Don't talk about maternal instincts to a guy with a dead mom!
DISABLED VET: Sorry, man...do you at least get sympathy dates from chicks by telling them you're a crippled orphan?
ED: Never thought of that...
DISABLED VET: Consider it equivalent exchange...lose a mom, lose your virginity!
ED: Sadly, my best chance at a date is a chick who works with cripples for a living, so she's kind of immune to sympathy for limbless guys...and she also lost her mom, so
that angle doesn't work on her, either!
DISABLED VET: Man, what a crappy coincidence, eh?
GANG BOY: Speaking of unlikely coincidences, guess who's son stole your metallic brother?
ED: Well, they stole my leg and my brother, so I'll steal their wagon.
AL: Faster, coolie, or we'll miss our train!
ED: Dude, your side is broken, not your legs...you should be able to walk, ya big load!
ARMSTRONG: Did someone mention big loads? My diaper needs changing now...
ED: Let me guess, this method of tracking down crippled children...
Armstrong: ...Has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations, yes! Now, as usual, I'm stuck with trying to carry the scene!
